(The following disclosure is a letter to Dan Hayward, Associated Students Federation (ASF) chairperson from the Campus Times editor).
Okay, Danny boy, you and your people have had your fun; now how about letting me and my group get in on a little of the action, too?
I mean, it has almost been a whole semester and not once have you given us CT folks something to gripe about yet. Look, Danny, I hate to sound cliche like, but you’ve got to remember that nice guys finish last.
Yeah, we all know about the time when you guys goofed up the balloting during the ASF new students’ representative elections, and how it took two run-offs before you guys finally got everything straight.
We also acknowledged the fact that there haven’t been enough dances to keep everyone happy around here, and that we felt that you guys shouldn’t have hired that over-priced mime during homecoming. But that’s spots-to-watch stuff, Danny; we need to touch on something big. So come on now – and stop trying to be so perfect – give my writers something concrete to tear you limb from limb with.
It’s not that we’re a bunch of vultures laying low until it’s time to go in after the kill, but you see, Danny, before I took on this position, I was told that the Campus Times is supposed to be the watch dog of the campus. But we haven’t even been able to seriously growl at you ASF folks, yet.
Now Danny, take a look at the big time metro papers. They get to jump on the fading Rams and Reagan and his bumbling cabinet, while we’re over here writing about “mud puppies” and “scare babies” to go along with our hard-hitting editorials about the dial being broken on the Student Center television set. Keep this up, and we’re going to start calling you “Peter Perfect” or “No Action Dan.” Hey, how does Steve Garvey Jr. fit for a nickname, Danny?
Look at it this way, Danny. Since when was the last time the ASF chairperson and the CT editor have had such a good rapport with each other? With the exception of your not inviting me to one of your knock-out-drag-’em-out, all-night poker games I keep hearing about, I have no resentments.
All of this tranquility keeps reminding me of Christmas, the only time of the year when everyone promotes peace to all.
We’ve got this one typewriter in the office that’s all revved up and everything, just waiting for someone to let her rip as soon as you make a mistake. But lately, the only time someone puts his finger tip on it is when it’s time to scrape off the rust. The ribbon spool on that thing hasn’t even made a complete 360 turn yet.
But I’ve got to hand it to you Danny for a job well done (so far). Never before has an ASF chairperson given the Campus Times so little to bark about.
Remember, though, Danny Boy, we’re still watching you.
Editor in Chief