Why can’t you just let it go?
Because.
Because why?
Because I can’t.
Why?
Because I was happy, because if this theory is wrong, men don’t leave all women, Eddie, they leave me.
Just to assure everyone, this is not a column on the movie “Someone Like You.” This is about dealing with the men who shoot in and out of my wild life and the perils of rejection.
Being rejected by men has always been hard for me. The same goes for everyone else. For the longest time, I always blame myself for the failure of the relationship.
I recently got involved with a close friend of mine named Phil. When I finally asked him where he and I stood, he told me that he just wanted to be friends. I was very angry and hurt, knowing that I was not a potential love interest for him.
When the impact of the rejection finally hit me, I screamed and threw things all over my room. I glared at every couple I saw. I asked myself “What could I have done differently? Could I have said something that would have made him say yes to me?” I even thought that no man on earth was ever going to want me.
So when I saw “Someone Like You,” I believed that Jane Goodale was right for a while. After she is dumped, she develops a theory in which a bull meets a cow, mates with her, gets sick of her and leaves her for a new cow, hence, men are unable to commit. I had become an old cow and he traded me for a new cow. Then again, it is a pathetic theory that is just made to make matters worse.
But like Goodale, I started to look for answers the Bridget Jones way by writing everything down in my journal. After some time, I made a decision about what I was going to do with Phil. I decided to leave him.
Looking back, I realized that while I took the rejection personally, I also realized that I am a strong, independent woman and that I could have handled the situation differently. I could have resorted to harming myself or believe that something was wrong with me and accept those misconceptions. I know now that the problem was not me but him. He simply did not want me. And you know what? I accept that now.
Phil and I have been friends for four years. When I thought about how leaving him, I was sure that I was walking out of a great friendship but not anymore. So am I OK with leaving him now? Absolutely.
I have managed to change from an introverted person, who thought herself weak, into a woman of great confidence who is incredibly capable of making her own decisions.
I know that many of my friends are probably going to tell me that it is about time or that they have been saying that all along. Yes, it is about time but this time, I called the shots based on my personal reasons, not because someone is telling me to do that.
In the past, people would always pressure me to leave someone who they knew and I knew would cause me more harm than good. I know now that it takes time to let people go, and there is no hurry to do so until I am ready to do that.
I am sure that some people will think me crazy for leaving someone who I have been friends with for four years. Believe me, I have had my own doubts myself, but I am confident of my decision.
I will be alright. I know this will help me later in the future. As the saying goes “What does not kill us make us stronger.” I truly believe that now and forever.
Julia Carachure, a junior journalism major, is editorial director of the Campus Times. She can be reached by e-mail at carachur@ulv.edu.
