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Revenge of the bad movies, will it ever stop?

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Jazmine Ponce, Features Editor

Jazmine Ponce, Features Editor

With the good come the bad, the lame, and, “What the hell were they thinking?” Raised in the mass-pop culture MTV enriched generation, I am a child of movies and television. In my mind running wild like a rabid hamster wheel is a database of good and bad movies and television shows.

It seems like just when I see a good movie, a string of bad movies appear, filled with all those horrible cookie-cutter decisions that make them bad. Last weekend, I saw one of the lamest teen thrillers ever “The Forsaken,” which stars WB star Kerr Smith from god-awful “Dawson’s Creek.” It revolves around a young man traveling across the country who picks up a hitchhiker who (dum dum DUM) has been bitten by a vampire, but has not fully turned because he takes a bunch of pills and eats bloody steaks. First of all who picks up hitchhikers nowadays? Did he not notice that at the truck stop there were 50-missing person signs?

Oh, and then they pick up a spooky blonde who looks like she is tweaking on crystal meth who screams like a banshee. Of course, she has also been bitten, and bites Smith. So they must find one of the Forsaken vampires, kill him and they will be OK yadda, yadda insert some blood and whack dialogue and you have got “Forsaken.” Aside from, well everything, I was appalled by how many times I had to see that stupid blonde’s breasts. Seriously the movie’s first scene is of the blonde taking a bloody shower. Umm, I am sorry, did I just walk into “Teenage Cheerleader Sluts Chainsaw Massacre?” I think not! It seems that everywhere this girl went, she went topless. Another thing that made no sense was these vampires have been around since the Crusades and yet they choose to travel around in a run down rickety jalopy where they hid in the trunk during the daylight. I mean if you have been around that long you would find a little place to settle down make a lair, hire some smart minions, you know, what any sane vampire would do.

Then there are TV shows that, like car wrecks, you must watch. Does “Caroline in the City” and “Suddenly Susan” ring a bell? They were on TV for like four years, how the hell did that happen? This is how they went; Susan: blah blah blah (laugh track), then of course some wackiness ensued. Sorry, static is more enthralling.

Plus, there are those saccharine-gooey, cavity-inducing shows that are suppose to show children with real values like “Seventh Heaven.” It’s about a pastor and his seven children (yes seven) who are all so sweet they help people learn a life lesson every week and have a dog named Happy. Can someone make my dentist appointment now? If the WB makes one more drama about real teens in college like “Felicity,” I might as well spew right now. Each episode follows the same pattern; Felicity: I love Ben. I hate Ben. Does Ben love me? Does he hate me? Woe is me? Look here is all my problems, sprinkle in a pinch of dorm life, a dash of multicultural co-stars and you got a piping hot episode of “Felicity.” For a girl who is enrolled in college, she sure never makes it to class. Sometimes I wonder who watches these shows religiously filled with disastrous plot lines and bad acting.

No matter how many good movies or TV shows, the bad will always come because like the dreaded feline, we are so curious we will plop down the $7.50 and we will regret it. I do it all the time. As long as we keep watching the bad will just keep coming so invest in the good.

Those who are sick of the bad I suggest watching the good; “Gilmore Girls,” “The X-files,” “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” “Will & Grace” and “Law & Order.”

Jazmine Ponce, a junior journalism major, is features editor of the Campus Times. She can be reached by e-mail at jponce@ulv.edu.

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