Welcome to the recall circus

Come one, come all to the California governor’s recall election, which promises to be one of the biggest circuses in recent history.

With the recall just days away, the truth is quite evident: This special election features candidates who do not belong on a serious ballot. Yet many of them are vying for the title of governor like they are Muhammad Ali before a boxing match.It is a mystery as to why 95 percent of the candidates didn’t feel the need to drop out of the race immediately, once the novelty of qualifying wore off. Maybe these people just don’t have a problem with making the ballot long and ugly.

Take candidate No. 1: prop comic Leo Gallagher, who hasn’t been in a Comedy Central special for upwards of 10 years now. Maybe Gallagher thought he could smash one final melon by not being elected governor.

And who better to round up the spring break alcoholic 18-25 demographic than a porn star candidate with the alias Mary Carey? No one, of course, with a rhetoric like hers who can compare. Her plan, unfortunately, makes some sense: reduce California’s debt by allowing people to pay for Internet access to a voyeuristic Web cam in the governor’s office.

Then, of course, there are the four leading candidates (five until this week when Independent Arianna Huffington dropped out) each of whom has strengths and weaknesses:

Cruz Bustamante, a lifetime politician, has been considered the Latino answer to Gray Davis. Though he seems to have a degree of personality and charisma that Davis lacks, he is idealistic but has been known, like Davis, to cater to special interests.

Arnold Schwarzenegger relies mainly upon Republican (or action hero) rhetoric in his economic viewpoints. He has been coached to give terrible circular arguments in which he illustrates his point by repeating it over and over again. Remember last week’s debate?

Tom McClintock, a Republican state senator, embodies conservative ideals, but remains much more so than Schwarzenegger. He is far too conservative for the majority of California voters. He was also a senator during the budget crisis and managed to do very little to solve the issue.

Peter Camejo’s view is optimistic towards fixing California’s energy problems. He’d like to use solar power, but he seems to overlook the cost of purchasing solar panels. He also might run into trouble with his tax-the-rich campaign.

Some candidates are optimistic about the changes they could bring forth. But those with political experience know that it will be very difficult to fix the state’s financial troubles. And they know better how to solve these issues, unfortunately they have been tainted by virtue of being politicians during a bad economy.

While there are those candidates who have a vigor to do well, they also lack the knowledge of the California political system, which may hinder their progressive efforts.

As far as the election goes,when you do decide whom to vote for, the question of finding a name on the ballot may be a hurdle as candidates’ names were put in a “random” alphabetical order, which should allow voters to find a candidate’s name in just a matter of hours.

Instead of this newly created alphabet, maybe candidates should be organized into categories according to their professions. The following list of job categories affords a much more entertaining voting experience: business owners, teachers, sumo wrestlers, attorneys, lawyers, entrepreneurs, railroad switchmen, comics, adult film actors/actresses, has-been actors and should-never-have-been actors.

The recall has turned into an headache with the fate of California on the line. The end result will be a bill totaling anywhere from $53 million to $66 million and will ultimately lead to another nightmare: the “blame game” and likely another recall.

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Unsigned editorials represent the opinion of the Campus Times Editorial Board.

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