Liberators seek peaceful freedom

editorial cartoon by Adam Omernik
editorial cartoon by Adam Omernik

Imagine a solitary life of imprisonment gated in from the outside world, never appreciated and looked down upon by everyone. Staring out from behind bushes, lurking among the sprinklers and dashing between hedges. These are the lives of garden gnomes.

For years human neighbors have oppressed garden gnomes. Slavery was abolished from the United States centuries ago; why do these gentle forest creatures continue to suffer in captivity?

You may have heard word of a brave group standing up for gnomes’ rights. The Garden Gnome Liberation Front is rescuing these docile souls from a distant life of garden enslavement. We, as Americans, need to support the fight.

Different countries contribute to the liberation through their own organizations and methods. French organizations place the garden gnomes in forests with claim tickets. Italy’s gnome movement is headed by the Independent Movement for the Liberation of Garden Gnomes. The Italian group smashes the plastic body of the garden statue to release the spirit of the gnome.

A popular freedom technique provided by the GGLF takes the garden gnome on a complimentary trip around the world. The liberators snatch the gnome from captivity and takes him to historic points around the globe.

One of these liberated garden gnomes has received a celebrity status as Travelocity’s “The Roaming Gnome.” Plucked from his captor’s garden in North Carolina, this gnome has traveled the globe and embraced television audiences through his commercials.

Recently, major acts of protest have broken out among the gnome community. Plaguing fountain water with laundry detergent, causing floods by manipulating the sprinkler system and chopping down small trees have all been part of the gnomes cry for recognition. However, in big city gardens their crimes have become much more severe. In Los Angeles, a garden gnome reportedly wrote graffiti on his master’s brick wall and has been selling poppy seeds illegally to other garden creatures.

Gnomes rarely receive a chance for escape. Their limiting body structure prevents them from making any sudden movements. Those who do find a blessed opportunity to escape do not enjoy freedom for long. Over protective and selfish, gardeners go to great lengths to keep their gnomes.

A garden gnome named Thadius, from Washington, sneaked into his master’s email pleading the GGLF to save him. Here is an excerpt from his email: “Due to my recent and frequent escape attempts, my sicko slave masters have built a prison around me using old baking racks. They also have employed the nosy neighbor next door to watch my every move.”

Hasn’t this gone too far?

The GGLF does not support ideas of theft or burglary to free captivated gnomes; they do however understand why activists would go to such lengths. The organization endorses peaceful negotiations with gnome slave owners and political pressure on our government to stop the tyranny.

Garden Gnome Liberation is spreading around the globe and becoming an international concern.

We at the Campus Times firmly believe that it is our duty to be the voice of the voiceless and we stand behind this movement 110 percent.

It is time to stop the madness and free the gnomes.

Or celebrate April Fools’ Day. Your choice.

Other Stories

Unsigned editorials represent the opinion of the Campus Times Editorial Board.

Adam Omernik, Photography Editor
Adam Omernik

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