Special SectionsThe Pulse (2006)

Horoscope Central: For the month of June

photo illustration by Reina Santa Cruz
photo illustration by Reina Santa Cruz

Aries (Mar. 21-April 20): You could prosper in the field of wacky inventions…but if you’re Kevin Federline you can keep working on the wacky rhymes. Popo Zao.

Taurus (April 21-May 21): There are lessons to be learned by listening to others…or crushing them with your iron fist, a la Saddam Hussein.

Gemini (May 22-June 21): Make use of your finest talents…by annoying others like Joan Rivers.

Cancer (June 22-July 22): You are the center of every group’s attention…just like Tom Cruise when he jumped on Oprah’s couch, impregnated a young girl or promoting your religious cult.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): Your future looks bright…well it did when Bodyguard was released. You can’t win them all, Whitney Houston.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 23): Your first choice is always wisest to follow…except when it involves little boys like in the case of Michael Jackson.

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 23): You never hesitate to tack-le the most difficult problems…but if you’re like Barbara Walters that speech impediment’s a pain.

Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22): You may lose the small ones but win the big ones…or if you’re Winona Ryder you can just steal all them.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 21): From a past misfortune, good luck will come to you…just like Anna Nicole Smith who inherited millions of dollars from her old man’s death.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 20): You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy…but by Howard Stern’s standards that doesn’t say much.

Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): You may attend a party where strange customs prevail…but just like in the case of Bobby Brown you’re at home.

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): You will have gold pieces by the bushel…and you’ll wear them in your mouth just like Flavor Flav.

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The Campus Times is the weekly student newspaper for the University of La Verne.

Reina Santa Cruz
Other Stories Bio
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