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Breast measuring gets the best of me

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Alexandra Lozano, News Editor

Alexandra Lozano, News Editor

Have you ever folded over 250 thongs ranging from a “size four” to a “should you really be wearing a thong?” in one night?

Ever try to explain to a small child that 42F size bra is not appropriate headgear in public?

Can you honestly say you have seen the chest of a geriatric woman who most likely voted for FDR?

An answer of yes to these questions means you either are in need of psychiatric evaluation or you’re like me and get paid to do it.

My job, you ask? Sales associate. My department? If you couldn’t figure it out: lingerie. My store? I will never say, not even for a penny.

One may think, “Well this girl is set for life, lingerie associate is a rocket to the top of the retail ladder, with her slightly-above-minimum-wage-hourly-earnings she should drop out of college and pursue retail as a career.”

And believe me, I would be lying if I said the thought never crossed my mind.

I mean who doesn’t enjoy nine-hour workdays and missing most major social/seasonal events. Grandma will be there next Christmas Eve right?

Who doesn’t enjoy waking up at 5 a.m. the day after Thanksgiving to do battle with hordes of shoppers?

How could anyone not enjoy playing our favorite game “Guess the smell in the dressing room” Here’s a hint, it’s probably urine.

Many don’t know this, but besides selling undergarments I am actually a certified bra-fit specialist. That’s right, I watched a 30-minute video and skimmed through a pamphlet.

Now I am accredited in the field of breast measuring. Down boys, it’s a ladies-only title.

Let me go over the magical process of bra fitting: It begins with a stroll to a fitting room. Once inside I ask the customer to remove her shirt and it is now where all my training comes into play.

I swiftly reach for my measuring tape, ask the patrons to face me; I then wrap the tape around the customer’s back and bring it to the front above the chest. This tells me the band size.

With the band size noted, I move on to measuring the cup size. Using the skill of a surgeon I then slide the tape down to the fullest part of the bust being ever so careful to keep a thin line of personal space, if that’s even possible anymore.

Once the cup size is known the bra fit is completed.

My previous depiction was one of the perfect situations. Having done this many times in the past, it is from my experience that the majority of women being fitted already generally know their sizes and accept them.

The problem arises from women who can’t understand or believe the measurements. As if I enjoy being told “Are you sure you did it right?” or “That’s not possible.” Well you know what? I did do it right, and isn’t it possible your lack of exercise and proper eating habits led you to the size you are today?

Let me be clear, not all customers display qualities like the ones mentioned above.

There are courteous and patient people every day who know exactly what they need, don’t make a scene when something doesn’t please them, and most importantly understand that the world doesn’t revolve around them.

There are highs and lows like with any job. What else would you expect in the world of a genuine bra fitting specialist?

Alexandra Lozano, a junior journalism major, is news editor of the Campus Times. She can be reached by e-mail at alozano@ulv.edu.

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