For the first time since I was 16 years old, I am unemployed. “Unemployed.” The word has such a harsh ring to it. It reminds me of my ex-boyfriend’s dad, who did nothing all day on and off for years but sit around, collect government checks, drink beer and sleep. I know my predicament is not quite as extreme, being that I spend 90 percent of my time, including free time, at school, but the word can still get you.
I guess a hectic time schedule is what one gets when they are a college student who is even remotely active in the University community, but working outside of school has always been second nature to me. Unlike my ex-boyfriend’s dad, who has no qualms about living off the government, I feel somewhat guilty about not working. More than that, I feel somewhat guilty about not wanting to go back to work due to stressful educational circumstances and a general lack of leisure time.
All of my life, I have wanted to be independent. After leaving home to live in the dorms for a year, I got an apartment. Since then, I have been on my own for two years and I have learned that it is not always fun. The more money I made, the more money I needed. It seems like that is the way of the world and I was stuck in it.
Now that I do not have a steady job, I realize that I do not really need all that much money. After all, I am in college, for God’s sake. That is supposed to be my main priority after all; one I suddenly have more time for. The mental relief and inner solace that planted itself into my usually anxiety stricken mind makes not getting a check every week just about worth it.
Suddenly, I have been re-discovering the wonders of life that did not completely exist for me when I was working in retail, the mother of all energy depletion.
For example – weekends. Those oh-so-wonderful two days to do whatever one’s heart desires. There are plenty of fun things to do while spending little or no money at all. Plus, stress-free relaxation is good for anyone’s personal constitution.
Working all day on the weekends, or even working part of each day on Saturday and Sunday, is set up to hamper any inkling one might have to actually go somewhere fun, like outside.
However, even with all the benefits of not yet going out and getting another job, a bunch of new, mixed emotions are sparked. Is it wrong to go on unemployment even though I have been automatically (and not willingly) paying into it for the past five years? Is it wrong that in the morning, I am actually not too exhausted from the previous day and night to get up for my 8:30 class, and that if things go well I may even pass elementary Spanish? Is is wrong to spend time sitting out in the sun with one of those many books I have owned for years and still have yet to read?
Maybe it is, but I think I would rather spend my life mowing lawns to pay my rent than go right back into a stressful work setting right away. Of course, at this point I may not have a choice, being that I am majoring in journalism and have only a year and a half until graduation.
All of my life, I wanted to work and be independent, but lately every day when I walk the half mile back to my apartment from the mailboxes, I do not think about all the bills that came that I have to pay. Instead, I find myself immersed in the beauty of each afternoon – the trees which have begun to blossom into pinks, purples and greens, the sweetness of spring reminding me of when I was little, when I did not have a care in the world except to catch my brother at Tag, hold my sister’s hand in the parking lot and ride bikes with my friends down the block. It is no wonder why during times like these I wish I was a kid again.
It is funny, though – we all grow up sometime or another, whether or not we push ourselves to. My friends down the block are now all getting married, and even having babies. My brother and sister are starting college in the fall, and I suppose I should consider getting another job. But not for a while, though. Not until I discover myself sitting around all day, drinking beer and sleeping. Then again-how terrible can that be?
Raechel Fittante, a junior journalism major, is editor in chief of the Campus Times. She can be reached by e-mail at fittante@ulvacs.ulaverne.edu.
