I was very bitter and angry this week. Contributors to this were lack of sleep, a lot of school work that I fell behind in and an all around over-exhaustion from all that I have chosen to commit myself to here on campus and in my life.
I admit that, yes, I have been slacking off and have not been my usual, organized self. There is a big reason for that, I promise. It is just more along the lines of one of those, “personal, I am not going to waste your time by crying about it to you,” things. That and a dire need to get out of California for a while and take a nice relaxing, stress-free, fun break in Pennsylvania with my best friend. But all in all, I have been a major bummer.
A big factor that has fueled this angry bitterness was criticism from others that seemed anything but helpful.
I am one who will usually speak her mind if something is or isn’t going well in my eyes. I am not one to sit back and let things happen badly. If I want a change, then I will speak out, bring up suggestion, or offer a new view point. Whether one takes these into consideration or even listens to them is up to that person. But the point is that I will speak up.
Criticism is a major part of this. However, it is the presentation of the criticism that will help result in either a helpful venue or making a new enemy.
In my sorority’s executive board, each board member wrote out ways to approach each other individually. I found it very helpful, as it never occurred to me that my way of offering suggestions may not be best for someone else.
Some wanted a direct, blunt approach, others preferred a nonagressive approach. One that came up in a popular request was to be straight-forward and to-the-point with that person.
As I said, I have been offered a lot of criticism these past couple of weeks. None of it has been helpful or constructive and has instead pissed me off in a major way.
As a person who gives criticism, I should be able to take it also. But when people give me criticism for some action that I have taken, they should make sure that it’s helpful and not just a full blown attack on me. Perhaps some of this criticism was intended to be helpful, but was just presented to me in a seemingly offensive and mean manner.
When offering me constructive criticism don’t yell or raise your voice. If you are upset with me, wait and calm down.
Also talk to me one on one. Don’t yell at me in front of other people or my peers. I get embarrassed easily, and yelling at me in front of people for being irresponsible is not a way to get me in gear and back on track. I’m a person with feelings, not a dog that has done ‘the deed’ on one’s bed.
Time is precious to me, please get straight to the point and don’t skirt the main issue. Don’t try to comfort me first either by reminding me that everyone messes up from time to time. That isn’t scoring any brownie points.
If I am doing something wrong or if something that I am doing can be done better, please offer suggestions.
But do not tell me what to do. Do not tell me that I am wrong. I will admit if I am wrong, but do not up front say, ” Hey you’re wrong.”
Don’t attack me. Instead start off with, “Hey, how about you try this…” or “From experience this has worked well…”
I know I tend to try to live by that golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” I do not yell when offering suggestions and constructive criticism, and if I do, I apologize.
Just try to be nice and helpful, please.
Crystal Apilado, a junior journalism major, is features editor of the Campus Times. She can be reached by e-mail at cma81@juno.com.
