Large and in charge

David Sutton, Sports Editor

As I roll over at 8:45 in the morning every Tuesday and Friday, I think to myself, “What are you doing?” I am going to aerobics. Yes, I go sweat with about 25 women and four men and an instructor who snaps her fingers every 10 seconds.

It is obvious to me that aerobics can do my mid-section some good, but it makes me so tired, and the next day I am sore. I hate the idea of people gathering to do exercise. Who really wants to see another person bending over, sweating and spreading their legs in front of you?

I am not one of those people who are with the so called program of the 90s. You know, the program that makes you read every label for fat grams, count every calorie, and want to look like Fabio or Janet Jackson. Of course, if I ever met Janet I would tell her the program was great because she is fine.

Health clubs are another area that I am not too fond of. First of all, I refuse to pay money to work-out. I’d rather be like Rocky Balboa in Russia and build some pre-historic gym. Besides a lot of people I know that have paid memberships don’t even like to go to their health club. They refer to them as meat markets. Yes, just a place to pick up a date. I don’t need five or 10 women approaching me when I lift weights trying to get my phone number or seeing if they can take me home, not that I lift a lot because weights are indeed heavy and lifting also makes me tired.

It seems that everywhere I look I get reminded of how skinny is in. I see it on television and in magazines.

Beer commercials make me laugh. They have pretty women or buffed men trying to sell us beer and I hardly ever see anyone around me looking as good as they do on television when I consume beer. Where is the unfit beer belly having, fight starting bum at in the commercial? I think that they show what people may see after a few beers. Rumor has it anyone looks good after a few beers.

The whole idea of being fit has made me sick to my stomach like a hot, greasy Bravo burger. Women walking around that are very pretty and well built; yet they claim to be so fat. Give me a break! Fat is weighing 218 pounds as a high school freshman, not weighing 103 pounds as a college senior.

The infomercial business has also made me ill about the depiction of how large is wrong. Susan Powter gets on television talking about “Stop the Insanity” and what she should be trying to stop is her hair loss. Then there is Tony Little who tells us how to do a “correct” sit-up for better abdominal muscles. Tony I tried it, twice, and I still have a large tummy.

People are so consumed by looking good that they go to great lengths to try to look better. A few years ago Geraldo Rivera had some tissue extracted from his buttocks and put into his eyebrow region. I guess you could say that he was the original Butt Head. In the quest to look good women have put their bodies in danger by getting breast implants. Don’t they know it is who you are and not what is in your bra?

Women are not the only ones who damage their bodies though. A lot of men think that sticking needles in their butt (doing steroids) will get the ladies and give them a great body. Well it does make them look fit but it also is doing a lot of damage to other parts of their body.

It is 1995 and hopefully this “fat is wrong” stuff will end. I know that there are a lot of people whose New Year’s resolution was to go on a diet and lose weight, but the diet starts tomorrow. I feel that as long as you are not in any type of health risk then it is okay to be larger than most.

People have teased and laughed at others who don’t fit the mold of the hunks or babes. Hey, lets laugh at the people who do fit the mold of the cosmetic world. No, we could not do that, some feelings might be hurt. Ah yes, this is the big payback. So to all my unfit readers stay large and in charge and don’t let skin and bones ruin who you are inside.

David Sutton, Sports Editor
David Sutton

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