Male mysteries

Amy Borer, Features Editor
Amy Borer, Features Editor

Are men really that different than women?

Personally, I have always felt that men were different than women in an infinite number of ways, and I can finally back up my opinion. Recently, I came across Rita Rudner’s 50 Facts About Men , a sarcastic look at a man’s behavior from a woman’s perspective.

Although all 50 of Rudner’s points are amusing, the following are definitely worth mentioning:

•Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I’ve never seen a man walk into a party and say,“Oh my God,I’m so embarrassed; get me out of here. There’s another man wearing a black tuxedo.”

Why is it that some women absolutely freak out if they see another women dressed in a similar outfit as them? Men don’t care, why should we?

•When four or more men get together, they talk about sports. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

What do sports have that we don’t? We all know men think about women just as much as women think about men, so why the secrecy?

•Men forget everything; women remember everything. That’s why men need instant replays in sports. They’ve already forgotten what happened.

It’s true. Guys, if you say anything to a women, you better not forget it or she’ll hold it against you forever.

•Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they’re really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

I never realized that television was a participant activity. Do guys really think they can change the outcome of a game by shouting into the television and screaming at the players? You do not see women urging on their favorite soap opera characters do you? Okay, so maybe you do.

•Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

Is it only women who are sensitive about relationships or life in general?

•Most women are introspective: “Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?” Most men are outrospective: “Did my team win? How’s my car?”

If women think with their hearts, what do men think with, their libidos?

•A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

Granted, I have never tried to pick up a man at the dry cleaners, but hey, why not? It has to be safer than a singles bar.

•Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

Most men will not get near a kitchen, but all seem to get excited about the prospect of barbecuing. What is so special about that long spatula and apron anyway?

•Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. “Get out” and “I never want to see you again” might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, “I love you…I want to marry you…I want to have your children.” Sometimes they leave skidmarks.

Why are guys so scared of commitment? The way many men talk, a person would think they were being sentenced to death, not to a lifetime with the woman they love.

•Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheros. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

Sad to say, this is true. Little girls do not have nearly the number of superheros to look up to that little boys do. As a child, I dressed up in my Wonder Women underoos and pretended I was her, but playing with Barbie was my favorite pastime. What kind of role model focuses on looks over self worth anyway?

It is not a bad thing that men and women are so different, just a fact of life. Although everyone may complain about members of the opposite sex, wouldn’t life be dull if we were all the same? If men weren’t so mysterious, what would we women have to gossip about?

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