It seemed like the perfect marriage. It was a union that had lasted 30 years and conceived 10 children. However, the happenings inside the Espinosa residence were far from ideal.
No one guessed that for Imelda Espinosa every day was a day of fear. Her life fell victim to her husband’s hands, her husband’s beliefs. Throughout her married life she had suffered many beatings, but the assault on Aug. 29, 1994, was the last.
She had just arrived home after visiting her ill father in Mexico. She probably wanted to relax that night, seek some comfort and get some long overdue rest. Her husband, however, had other plans. He wanted to have sex, an agreement he testified to have been made on the way home from the airport.
Late that night, Ramiro Espinosa went upstairs with a butter knife in hand—he had exiled his wife to the attic a few months before when marriage problems arose. He knocked and when no answer came, he forced the door open with the knife.
According to Ramiro Espinosa’s testimony, he then proceeded to fondle his wife. She retaliated by biting him on the lip and arm-wrestling him to lose his grasp. Her actions clearly screamed “No.” A “No” he refused to hear.
Despite his wife’s resistance, he got on top of her and ripped off her clothes. He wanted to have sex—it was his right. Yes, his right.
Fortunately, she succeeded in stopping her husband’s actions.
According to defense attorney Michael McEntee, a little “affection” might have been what Imelda Espinosa desired at that moment.
In an interview with the Los Angeles Times, McEntee said, “If the lady had come back from Mexico, from vacation, and had sweet talk with the husband from the Tijuana airport all the way home, and she’s still living with this guy, isn’t this what a wife would like? I mean, some affection.”
Imelda Espinosa might have been longing for some affection, perhaps some compassion. But, sexual intercourse cannot be equated with a sympathetic embrace.
Despite defense arguments, last week, Ramiro Espinosa was sentenced to a year in prison and three years of probation for attempted spousal rape. The punishment in this case, one would hope, rectified the situation.
Unfortunately, this case is far from being resolved.
Ramiro Espinosa firmly believes that the U.S. Constitution and Catholicism give him the right to have sex with his wife whenever he wants, regardless of what she desires. He claims he was granted this right the day marriage vows were exchanged.
To Ramiro Espinosa, the day they said, “I do,” was the day she gave up control over her life.
He told the Los Angeles Times, “It’s the right of the man to the woman, and the obligation of the woman to the man.”
Ramiro Espinosa isn’t the only man who shares these beliefs. According to the Family Violence Prevention Fund, a woman is assaulted every nine seconds. Imelda Espinosa was just woman enough to finally stop her pain and convert her torture into a positive statistic—a reported attempted rape.
One hopes that the days of obligation for women are rendered extinct. Unfortunately, it is cases like this one that remind us that regardless of women’s struggles to gain equality, mutual respect is still lacking.
Perhaps what is most upsetting is that Imelda Espinosa fell in love with a man she hoped would love her for the rest of her life. She never suspected her love would be returned with violence.
When the Espinosas exchanged their marriage vows 30 years ago, she promised to love and respect her husband. She did not sacrifice her self-worth.
Rape in itself is a horrific crime. The violation and self-doubt that is left behind is a struggle that many hope never to endure. To add betrayal to the devastation only makes the scars last longer.
