Every day is the same routine. I wake up in the morning, get dressed, go to class, eat lunch, attend organization meetings, go to class, have dinner, hang out with friends, do homework and go to sleep.
The next day, I wake up and do the same thing over again.
It feels like I have been doing the exact same thing every day for the past 15 years of my life.
It has become too much of the same thing. My life is an organized robotic schedule that it is now making me malfunction. I plan my life around the schedules.
Now I have run into a problem.
I wake up and wonder, “What am I doing? What is my purpose?” I am unmotivated to go to class, unmotivated to do my homework, unmotivated to participate in my organizations.
Honestly, I am unmotivated to write this. Everything I do is no longer based on me wanting to do it. Everything is now based on me having to do it, which is no longer enough for me.
Then comes the next question, “What will motivate me?” That is the answer I need to find out. I figure once I know that, it can help me move forward with life.
Sometimes I think that if I knew what I wanted to do with my life, as far as my career, I would feel motivated.
Sometimes I feel that finding that special person would motivate me.
Clearly none of those things have happened yet, so I do not know the answer. Maybe it is none of those things. It would be nice to know what it is that could push me forward each day.
Maybe I just need to get away and go somewhere.
I cannot study abroad until next year and I am not waiting that long to find my drive.
Since January, I have been asking myself day after day, but day after day, I cannot figure out the answer. It is almost as if I have stopped caring.
Unfortunately, I have to keep going, day after day with no real purpose. Well, I have a purpose.
My purpose is to graduate, my purpose is to keep the spirit of these organizations alive, and my purpose is to find a job. I do not have significant push or energy to keep me going throughout the day.
I know you are starting to think that I am sounding “emo” right now.
I could not agree more. I feel emo.
Tonight, I suppose I will get on my hands and knees and pray about it.
He has all the answers.
Does He want to reveal them to me right now, I do not know.
He has not yet. Maybe He is just waiting and I am waiting. It is a little harder for me to wait.
Until then, I will go to class, go to my meetings, eat my food, hang out with friends, do homework and sleep.
One of these days the light will spark and I will finally find my answer. It will just be a loud click in my ear that puts it all back together.
I will be motivated once again. Maybe that will be my motivation. It sounds a little corny but that’s all I have to go on right now.
I will motivate myself to find my motivation. It could work. Either way, I cannot give up now, as much as I may want to.
Sher Porter, a junior journalism major, is LV Life editor of the Campus Times. She can be reached by e-mail at sherrice.porter@laverne.edu.
