I always thought that as long as I had one person to love, and that person loved me equally in return, then I would have no need for friends. Why would I? I mean, this person would be the consumption of my time, life and energy.
The one person who I needed in life would be my best friend, my mentor, my lover and my companion. With that one person in my life, why would I want anyone else? That companion would be everything I needed and everything I could ever want. But what happens when that person is taken away? The equation is incomplete. No longer does x=y, now x=0. Nothing. When a person wraps her whole life up in one person, and that is all she begins to know, then that is all she once knew, and soon that is all she believes.
When that significant other is taken away, for whatever reason, it is like starting a whole new life. You need to make new friends, rearrange your time, that had once been so carefully scheduled around that one person as well, and learn to start thinking for yourself.
While adjusting to the single life may be hard in itself, the major adjustment comes in the mentality. The feeling of independence and dominance over one’s own life may at first be overwhelming and unusual. It becomes much more difficult when one finds herself thinking of that other person constantly.
There is never one way to deal with the loss of a companion. Different people go through different situations, and recover in their own time. Each person has to find a way that helps her to continue on with a daily life of her own but that also allows them to cope with a feeling of loss, which should not be put in a doggy bag and saved for later.
Do not put off your burdens for another day. Deal with them. And in any case, try to use them to build yourself as a better person. Do not look at the equation that was x=y as x=0, but more like x=x. You as a person are a whole. As much as you may believe you do, you do not need someone else all the time. It is all right to be single, independent and strong.
Being single or contemplating and deciding on a lifelong commitment with another person is an important part of the growth process.
There are only two choices in life concerning marriage. You either want to get married, or you do not. It is that simple. Each individual must make that decision for him or herself. But, in marriage there is the practicality that the equation changes. Now xy=xy. You are now a couple, considered a pair and inseparable in almost all instances. People will now refer to you and your spouse as “you”-meaning plural, concerning the both of you.
Now, whether you feel more comfortable as a couple or a single will determine how well you adjust to this new level of companionship. It all boils down, once again, to the x-you.
It is your decision to live “happily ever after” or not. And it is your decision whether or not to do that with someone or alone. At least make the most of what you have, and do not look at “only ifs,” because they only make you feel worse. Believe me, I know.
So, are you single or married? What you decide now, may very well change tomorrow. You may meet the man or woman of your dreams, and everything will fall into place. Only time can tell, so for now try to be patient. Whether you are x has a y or not does not really matter until you want it to. You should at least be satisfied with yourself to begin with to insure that your search for a companion is not just to make you feel better.
Remember that the basis for any relationship or self-reliance is x=x. You are the key, and the most important factor, so as long as you have yourself, and are happy, then you are complete.
Melinda Sanchez, a sophomore communications major, is arts and entertainment editor of the Campus Times. She can be reached by e-mail at bluhartz88@hotmail.com.
